Kettle Moraine: Matters of the Heart
With the weeks leading up to his birthday, Long wanted to run Kettle Moraine for his birthday weekend. Since dating, we have had our dedicated birthday weekends to do so as we choose. Last year, it was a stormy weekend up in Grand Marais filled with laughs and rainy/muddy runs (and ditching our tent for a near by cabin).
"Most people choose to run the distance equivalent to the age they are turning", I said many times. He chose to go further. He booked a car and a room after registering for the race. I started researching the race and to any crew member/ pacers delight, I was blown away at how well organized this race is! I drooled over the extensive PDF race packet covering all of the bases and some. We talked about a loose plan of me sleeping during the day, meeting him at Emma Carlin Aid Station in the afternoon, me going back and sleeping some more, and then getting ready to pace him at night for the last 38ish miles. This plan sounded great and relaxing.. What?! Relaxed!? Sounds good to me!
Friday we left at around 1:30/2:00 after getting our rental and packing it up and eating a quick lunch. Our rental was a big ol' Ford Explorer. I am not very comfortable driving a large SUV, so it took some time for me to adjust to driving it. I think we also witnessed the most accumulated population of dead deer on the road side on our way (I had many moments of silence to say the least). We had some great laughs on the way up, as this new 2017 rental had some pretty fancy features. Since the car syncs with the phone, it can read texts (including descriptions of emojis) out loud. We had it read every emoji and funny sentence we could think of, including every flag emoji there is (this lasted about 5 minutes). We decided to skip Friday packet pick up at the Nordic Start/Finish area as we were too close to the tail end of its final hour and still had a ways to drive. We made it to our destination Friday evening in Janesville, and got Mongolian for our pre-race dinner meal or 'carb-loading'. We went back to our room and prepared his drop bags and went over all his gear. This wasn't our first rodeo, so we knew what we were in for, and everything seemed a lot smoother and relaxed (there's that word again!).
We woke up at around 3:45 that Saturday to eat breakfast in the most deserted breakfast room ever, but, then again who gets up at 3:45 to eat breakfast and then go run 100 miles? We made breakfast of what we had and what was available to us that early in the room, and packed our things and headed out the door at 4:00. It was a half hour drive to the start, so he napped and I got to witness one of the most breathtaking sunrises I had seen in awhile. "It's gonna be a great day!" I said to myself as I saw it. It was a beautiful reminder of how grateful I am that this community of runners have such capable bodies to run and to enjoy such a sport, and that this community is so selfless and is always ready to jump to help others. I thought about how well prepared Long was, how he does everything with a smile and stays positive in the toughest of situations. I still think about how caring he is during these events, he always asks how the other runners are doing and makes sure his pacers and crew are in good condition as well. That's his nature, always kind, caring, and selfless.
We checked in, dropped off his drop bags, chatted with our friends, got him sprayed with sun lotion and bug spray, and waited for the start of the race. "It's cold!" I heard a lot of our friends running the race say. "We won't be saying that for long!", most replied. The race started and they were off.
"Let's get breakfast!", A friend of a friend said. Kari, Julio and I were there, and they were in. I was easily persuaded to join them, but also remembered our loose plan where I was supposed to sleep after they started. "We have plenty of time", Kari reassured me. She mentioned that people tend to rush at crewing these events, from getting from one aid station to the next as quickly as possible, but there was no need to do that. With that we went to breakfast in a nearby small town, and chatted a bit, and within an hour left to go meet our runners at the next aid station. We stood and clapped waiting for our runners, and to our surprise (and to Kari's) Erik was already through! We waited for the rest of our runners, and once they were through, I was dropped off at the Start/Finish to get ready to sleep (I was tired). I played Ford Explorer Tetris, rearranging and organizing all of our things in order to fit a single sleeper air mattress in the back. I set my alarm for the afternoon to give me plenty of time to eat, get ready, and to drive to him later at Emma Carlin.
I slept for about two hours until the storm rolled in. At first, it was light rain, which is perfect sleeping condition. A few minutes later, it turned to a torrential downpour with flickers of lighting and roaring thunder. The humidity picked up and the option to sleep wasn't in the picture. I tried sleeping but it was impossible at this point. I laid down, read a book for awhile, and decided cooking with all the camping equipment was out of the picture. I decided to crew earlier than just lay around and do nothing, the nature of this race was quite calm and relaxed, which is good, but can also make me a lazy crew member.
I decided to drive to meet Julio at Scuppernong Aid Station. By the time I drove there and slowly packed all the crew kits, I headed towards the aid station. Box and bag in hand, I saw Long run across the road crossing to the aid station. "What are you doing here!?" He said. I told him I would meet him at the next one. We both knew I should be sleeping, but that wasn't in the picture anymore. I drove to Hwy 67 aid station and waited for him there. Erik was cruising along, always one aid station ahead. Long had been with Steve for sometime, but broke off and was going at a more steady pace at this point. Julio, Matt, and I waited for our runners, and by the time we did our crew duties, Julio and Matt were ready to head into the nearest town (Eagle) to grab a bite to eat. Again, I was easily convinced to join in. We ate at Knuckleheads, chatting and taking in the coolness of an air conditioned place (it was getting more hot and humid post storm, and the sun was relentless!) I thought about how how it was for the runners, and how Long was doing great keeping up with nutrition in the toughest of conditions. After eating a burger and fries, we ventured to Emma Carlin to meet our runners there. I grabbed everything Long said he would want at this aid station (new shoes, new clothes, new socks) including a cold coconut water, and headed to the said station. I watched runners and crew members alike hose off their shoes and legs, trying to get the thick, knee high (if not higher) mud off themselves. The meadow was the toughest part of this race from what other seasoned Kettle runners had shared that the start line. A stretch of open field with no coverage in the hottest part of the day. Including the mud. Long got to Emma Carlin muddier than he had been previously, but his smile never wore off. We changed socks, shoes, shirt got him to drink the cold coconut water, did the nascar pit stop of his vest (refilled bottles of water and tailwind) took out the trash, refilled empty food items, put ice in his hat, and sent him on his way. I told him we would run together soon, and I think this lifted both of our spirits. I wanted to be with him out on the trail and to run at night where it would *hopefully* be cooler.
Since this was the first race where I didn't meet him at every aid station, I felt lazy. I felt like a bad crew girlfriend. There were times when Julio would text me and let me know about his progress in addition to me following the live tracking. Thankfully, Julio covered for me at aid stations when I was not there, asking where Long's socks and headlamps were (which, the socks were in the drop bag whereas the headlamps never got packed). I felt like I let Long down in more ways than one, and I needed to make up for it by being the best pacer that ever paced anyone before. Game on.
I drove back to Nordic, and at this time the parking lot got a bit crazy with the crew now following their runners. I parked in the grass and took out the cooler to sit on. I sat for a while, looking out into the woods, relaxing and thinking about what I had to do before he got here. I decided to hydrate, relax, and get my gear ready in case it started to rain again. I also baked his other pair of shoes in the sun after rinsing them off at Emma Carlin (thanks Kari for helping!). Soon, it was 7:00. I started getting my gear ready. Since I didn't have drop bags, or utilized his, I had a lot to carry. All my nutrition and gear was a lot to pack. I kept telling myself I ran 100 miles with no sleep and in more technical terrain than this. I said that I could do this, and that I didn't need sleep or to eat a meal to get the job done. I made sure his drop bag at the start/finish was well stocked, grabbed the last of my things, and headed to the start/finish to pick up long for the last stretch. Erik and Kari were the first to leave together, then it was our turn. We got ready to head in to the night, and he was still in good spirits and in good shape. We headed out, knowing that as a pacer, my job is to make sure he stays positive, on pace, and staying on top of hydration and nutrition.
I started talking to him about pacing. I always let him know that he sets the pace. Communication is key, and that he is going to finish this race and get a ticket to WS lottery! I felt tired, but I knew I couldn't say I was to him because, well, he had been running all day and now all night. He would ask many times how I was doing in the beginning of our time together, and I would say "good! you?" I couldn't tell him I was tired! I needed to be the strongest, toughest, most selfless pacer in the world! I knew how much he wanted that WS ticket. I sang Happy Birthday to him and a medley of other songs and occasional dance moves. I needed to keep our minds off of how damn humid it was- that both our hopes of it cooling off at night didn't happen. It was so humid, you could see it in the air with the headlamps. I still remember being only 3 miles into pacing feeling like I was trying to push a wall while breathing through a straw, and I couldn't begin to think of how Long felt at this point. "Think positive! Push on! He needs you more than you need to think about the conditions!" I told myself. We kept a pretty good pace, I reminded him probably more times than he needed to hear to keep eating and drinking. He was doing so well! There were a few times we stopped so he could put his hands on his knees to breathe, and to mentally recover from his low points. The fact that it had never cooled down really got to him. Considering his low points, he was so strong battling through them, the elements that are out of his control. The variables that change and effect us can bring our hands and knees, but the power to keep going beings chills! Watching these runners tough it out gives me the most encouragement and courage ever! We kept a good pace (but looking back, we definitely needed to slow down). He was staying on top of his nutrition, and I would make sure he got everything he needed in his belly and in his vest. I reapplied bug spray at one aid station because my only thought running through the grass at all times was, "TICKS TICKS TICKS DISEASE". Mosquitoes don't freak me out as much as all the stories I hear about ticks. I generously applied it everywhere, then thinking that I probably consumed a great deal of it too. I remember picking up a piece of watermelon and heading out, What other sport allows you to run through the woods at midnight holding a piece of watermelon? Pure bliss, I thought, until my stomach reminded me I had not been eating or drinking. I remember rolling up my shirt trying to cool off, I felt my stomach and realized how abnormally hot my core was. "At the next aid station there are bathrooms, I will grab what you need first" I told him. Runner first was my attitude. He wanted to use the bathroom first too. In this heat and humidity, Erik described it to Long best when he says he feels 'internally violated' in the high temps and humidity. This was spot on. The plastic oasis' were great, and provided Long and I a bit more abdominal peace. I went through waves of feeling great to feeling like I was going to throw up, I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink, but kept pressing on. You would think I would have learned from my time at Wild Duluth 2016, but this felt different. I felt like I was going to throw up at any given second. I couldn't walk or run in a straight line. I didn't want to say anything still. We gradually went slower, we stopped to pee in the woods, we pressed onwards.
On our way to Hwy 12, I couldn't hold back how I was feeling anymore, nor could I hide the fact that I wasn't doing well, and I'm sure Long knew it too. I told him I wasn't feeling well, and asked how he was doing. He was doing great, despite the fact that, again, he had been running all day and now all night. He decided that we sit down on a nearby bench and just breathe. I remember this part of the journey vividly. Looking up at the cloudy sky with the bright moon. Runners shuffled by, we sat there looking up not saying a word. I knew how much we wanted to qualify, and I couldn't read his thoughts, and we had plenty of time to finish. "Let's call it at the next aid station" he said. I told him that we can't make a decision until we get to the aid station. We shuffled our way into the aid station, seeing our friends look tired and beat up from the weather conditions. Long grabbed food, and I looked around hoping that something would look appetizing, but nothing jumped out. I picked up some medicine seeing that it soothed stomaches, but I also remembered that I shouldn't try anything new. I set it down, and told Long that we should nap. A 30 min nap would help set things straight. I ended up laying on the tarp where drop bags get set to go back to the start/finish, and Long plopped next to me. I remember it was cold, so I tucked into a ball and fell asleep. Between the occasional flashes of lightning and the drizzle, I woke up and felt more awake, but my stomach did not.
At this point, I knew I couldn't go on. I immediately felt sad. I felt sad because I didn't take care of myself, and in doing this I couldn't provide the support Long needed to succeed to finish the race. I told him to go on to the turnaround, and to finish the race. I knew how much WS means to him, and the chance to run it. He didn't even hesitate when he said he was done too. I cried, I knew that this was it. I didn't want him to be done, but he insisted time after time he would rather make sure I was okay then to get into WS. I cried because I was sad, and I also cried because I knew how much he cares. He was happy to be done, and happy with how far he had gone. After spending time hugging (and me crying) we called it. He told a volunteer he was dropping, and asked if there was a way for us to get back to the start/finish. The volunteer said we had to find one, but thankfully, Long spotted someone he knew, and we went back with them. After arriving back, it was time for me to play Ford Explorer Tetris again. I arranged the car for enough room to sleep two very exhausted people, and we fell asleep immediately.
In the morning, I felt like I did back on that tarp earlier that morning- stomach still not cooperating yet well rested. I walked over to the start/finish to find Kari there at the breakfast buffet. I told her what happened, and that I felt terrible. She reassured me that these things happen, and that Long did what anyone else would do. I still felt bad, but I knew what Long did was the very nature of his character. I brought him coffee, and told him that there was food waiting for him at the start/finish. We sat and ate with our friends, finishers and dropouts alike. We waited for runners to cross the finish line. We watched Steve and Julio cross the finish line and celebrate with them. I kept replaying over and over again in my head us crossing the finish line. I knew we could have finished, we could have taken our time. I felt terrible still for letting him down, for not supporting him on the one thing he wanted to do for his birthday in order to qualify for one of his goals. I broke the number one rule of pacing: take care of yourself so you can take care of your runner. We hung out with our friends until it was late afternoon and decided we should start heading back. I drove home, and I could feel my stomach and my head hurt. I still couldn't bring myself to eat or to get out of my sad rut. We talked over and over again about what happened. That what the situation would have been like had we been in each other's shoes.
What I learned was that, in addition to not following our original loose plan (me sleeping during the day/afternoon) I did not eat good, nutritious fuel. I had many things packed to cook, but with my laziness and the weather conditions, none of those things happened. I opted for a burger and fries at the local town, which doesn't really help knowing I needed to pace that night. Additionally, I was not drinking enough. While talking to Long, I realized that he guzzled his tailwind and water between every aid station, filling up his bottles at all the stops. both of my bottles were full during the whole time I paced, except the time we both filled our bottles with the unlabeled jugs at the unmanned aid station- and after we talked about it, we knew that we filled our bottles with heed due to the taste (and heed doesn't settle well palette wise nor with my stomach). This was the part I really didn't start feeling well.
The biggest thing I learned about this race was about our future. How much Long cares for me, that he would set aside his race, goals, and dreams to secure our dream.
There will always be races, tickets to WS, and Leadville- what we have now, our relationship, is worth more than any goal or dream I have. Thank you Long for your display of selflessness and care. I love you.
I would also like to make a point about the Race Director. He is one of he most friendly, helpful, and caring ones I have met. His shirt also made me smile. It had the Wonder Woman sign on it, with the phrase "I am no superhero, I am just a volunteer". To me, the heroes at these events are the volunteers.
"Most people choose to run the distance equivalent to the age they are turning", I said many times. He chose to go further. He booked a car and a room after registering for the race. I started researching the race and to any crew member/ pacers delight, I was blown away at how well organized this race is! I drooled over the extensive PDF race packet covering all of the bases and some. We talked about a loose plan of me sleeping during the day, meeting him at Emma Carlin Aid Station in the afternoon, me going back and sleeping some more, and then getting ready to pace him at night for the last 38ish miles. This plan sounded great and relaxing.. What?! Relaxed!? Sounds good to me!
Friday we left at around 1:30/2:00 after getting our rental and packing it up and eating a quick lunch. Our rental was a big ol' Ford Explorer. I am not very comfortable driving a large SUV, so it took some time for me to adjust to driving it. I think we also witnessed the most accumulated population of dead deer on the road side on our way (I had many moments of silence to say the least). We had some great laughs on the way up, as this new 2017 rental had some pretty fancy features. Since the car syncs with the phone, it can read texts (including descriptions of emojis) out loud. We had it read every emoji and funny sentence we could think of, including every flag emoji there is (this lasted about 5 minutes). We decided to skip Friday packet pick up at the Nordic Start/Finish area as we were too close to the tail end of its final hour and still had a ways to drive. We made it to our destination Friday evening in Janesville, and got Mongolian for our pre-race dinner meal or 'carb-loading'. We went back to our room and prepared his drop bags and went over all his gear. This wasn't our first rodeo, so we knew what we were in for, and everything seemed a lot smoother and relaxed (there's that word again!).
We woke up at around 3:45 that Saturday to eat breakfast in the most deserted breakfast room ever, but, then again who gets up at 3:45 to eat breakfast and then go run 100 miles? We made breakfast of what we had and what was available to us that early in the room, and packed our things and headed out the door at 4:00. It was a half hour drive to the start, so he napped and I got to witness one of the most breathtaking sunrises I had seen in awhile. "It's gonna be a great day!" I said to myself as I saw it. It was a beautiful reminder of how grateful I am that this community of runners have such capable bodies to run and to enjoy such a sport, and that this community is so selfless and is always ready to jump to help others. I thought about how well prepared Long was, how he does everything with a smile and stays positive in the toughest of situations. I still think about how caring he is during these events, he always asks how the other runners are doing and makes sure his pacers and crew are in good condition as well. That's his nature, always kind, caring, and selfless.
 |
| DSP crew at the start (Photo by Julio) |
We checked in, dropped off his drop bags, chatted with our friends, got him sprayed with sun lotion and bug spray, and waited for the start of the race. "It's cold!" I heard a lot of our friends running the race say. "We won't be saying that for long!", most replied. The race started and they were off.
"Let's get breakfast!", A friend of a friend said. Kari, Julio and I were there, and they were in. I was easily persuaded to join them, but also remembered our loose plan where I was supposed to sleep after they started. "We have plenty of time", Kari reassured me. She mentioned that people tend to rush at crewing these events, from getting from one aid station to the next as quickly as possible, but there was no need to do that. With that we went to breakfast in a nearby small town, and chatted a bit, and within an hour left to go meet our runners at the next aid station. We stood and clapped waiting for our runners, and to our surprise (and to Kari's) Erik was already through! We waited for the rest of our runners, and once they were through, I was dropped off at the Start/Finish to get ready to sleep (I was tired). I played Ford Explorer Tetris, rearranging and organizing all of our things in order to fit a single sleeper air mattress in the back. I set my alarm for the afternoon to give me plenty of time to eat, get ready, and to drive to him later at Emma Carlin.
 |
| The aid station I wasn't supposed to be at... "Why aren't you sleeping!?" Long said. |
I slept for about two hours until the storm rolled in. At first, it was light rain, which is perfect sleeping condition. A few minutes later, it turned to a torrential downpour with flickers of lighting and roaring thunder. The humidity picked up and the option to sleep wasn't in the picture. I tried sleeping but it was impossible at this point. I laid down, read a book for awhile, and decided cooking with all the camping equipment was out of the picture. I decided to crew earlier than just lay around and do nothing, the nature of this race was quite calm and relaxed, which is good, but can also make me a lazy crew member.
 |
| Always smiling! Thanks for the socks and the pic Julio. |
I decided to drive to meet Julio at Scuppernong Aid Station. By the time I drove there and slowly packed all the crew kits, I headed towards the aid station. Box and bag in hand, I saw Long run across the road crossing to the aid station. "What are you doing here!?" He said. I told him I would meet him at the next one. We both knew I should be sleeping, but that wasn't in the picture anymore. I drove to Hwy 67 aid station and waited for him there. Erik was cruising along, always one aid station ahead. Long had been with Steve for sometime, but broke off and was going at a more steady pace at this point. Julio, Matt, and I waited for our runners, and by the time we did our crew duties, Julio and Matt were ready to head into the nearest town (Eagle) to grab a bite to eat. Again, I was easily convinced to join in. We ate at Knuckleheads, chatting and taking in the coolness of an air conditioned place (it was getting more hot and humid post storm, and the sun was relentless!) I thought about how how it was for the runners, and how Long was doing great keeping up with nutrition in the toughest of conditions. After eating a burger and fries, we ventured to Emma Carlin to meet our runners there. I grabbed everything Long said he would want at this aid station (new shoes, new clothes, new socks) including a cold coconut water, and headed to the said station. I watched runners and crew members alike hose off their shoes and legs, trying to get the thick, knee high (if not higher) mud off themselves. The meadow was the toughest part of this race from what other seasoned Kettle runners had shared that the start line. A stretch of open field with no coverage in the hottest part of the day. Including the mud. Long got to Emma Carlin muddier than he had been previously, but his smile never wore off. We changed socks, shoes, shirt got him to drink the cold coconut water, did the nascar pit stop of his vest (refilled bottles of water and tailwind) took out the trash, refilled empty food items, put ice in his hat, and sent him on his way. I told him we would run together soon, and I think this lifted both of our spirits. I wanted to be with him out on the trail and to run at night where it would *hopefully* be cooler.
 |
| Water tower in little town we stopped to get dinner in. Photo my Matt. |
Since this was the first race where I didn't meet him at every aid station, I felt lazy. I felt like a bad crew girlfriend. There were times when Julio would text me and let me know about his progress in addition to me following the live tracking. Thankfully, Julio covered for me at aid stations when I was not there, asking where Long's socks and headlamps were (which, the socks were in the drop bag whereas the headlamps never got packed). I felt like I let Long down in more ways than one, and I needed to make up for it by being the best pacer that ever paced anyone before. Game on.
I drove back to Nordic, and at this time the parking lot got a bit crazy with the crew now following their runners. I parked in the grass and took out the cooler to sit on. I sat for a while, looking out into the woods, relaxing and thinking about what I had to do before he got here. I decided to hydrate, relax, and get my gear ready in case it started to rain again. I also baked his other pair of shoes in the sun after rinsing them off at Emma Carlin (thanks Kari for helping!). Soon, it was 7:00. I started getting my gear ready. Since I didn't have drop bags, or utilized his, I had a lot to carry. All my nutrition and gear was a lot to pack. I kept telling myself I ran 100 miles with no sleep and in more technical terrain than this. I said that I could do this, and that I didn't need sleep or to eat a meal to get the job done. I made sure his drop bag at the start/finish was well stocked, grabbed the last of my things, and headed to the start/finish to pick up long for the last stretch. Erik and Kari were the first to leave together, then it was our turn. We got ready to head in to the night, and he was still in good spirits and in good shape. We headed out, knowing that as a pacer, my job is to make sure he stays positive, on pace, and staying on top of hydration and nutrition.
 |
| Baking his shoes post hose-down |
I started talking to him about pacing. I always let him know that he sets the pace. Communication is key, and that he is going to finish this race and get a ticket to WS lottery! I felt tired, but I knew I couldn't say I was to him because, well, he had been running all day and now all night. He would ask many times how I was doing in the beginning of our time together, and I would say "good! you?" I couldn't tell him I was tired! I needed to be the strongest, toughest, most selfless pacer in the world! I knew how much he wanted that WS ticket. I sang Happy Birthday to him and a medley of other songs and occasional dance moves. I needed to keep our minds off of how damn humid it was- that both our hopes of it cooling off at night didn't happen. It was so humid, you could see it in the air with the headlamps. I still remember being only 3 miles into pacing feeling like I was trying to push a wall while breathing through a straw, and I couldn't begin to think of how Long felt at this point. "Think positive! Push on! He needs you more than you need to think about the conditions!" I told myself. We kept a pretty good pace, I reminded him probably more times than he needed to hear to keep eating and drinking. He was doing so well! There were a few times we stopped so he could put his hands on his knees to breathe, and to mentally recover from his low points. The fact that it had never cooled down really got to him. Considering his low points, he was so strong battling through them, the elements that are out of his control. The variables that change and effect us can bring our hands and knees, but the power to keep going beings chills! Watching these runners tough it out gives me the most encouragement and courage ever! We kept a good pace (but looking back, we definitely needed to slow down). He was staying on top of his nutrition, and I would make sure he got everything he needed in his belly and in his vest. I reapplied bug spray at one aid station because my only thought running through the grass at all times was, "TICKS TICKS TICKS DISEASE". Mosquitoes don't freak me out as much as all the stories I hear about ticks. I generously applied it everywhere, then thinking that I probably consumed a great deal of it too. I remember picking up a piece of watermelon and heading out, What other sport allows you to run through the woods at midnight holding a piece of watermelon? Pure bliss, I thought, until my stomach reminded me I had not been eating or drinking. I remember rolling up my shirt trying to cool off, I felt my stomach and realized how abnormally hot my core was. "At the next aid station there are bathrooms, I will grab what you need first" I told him. Runner first was my attitude. He wanted to use the bathroom first too. In this heat and humidity, Erik described it to Long best when he says he feels 'internally violated' in the high temps and humidity. This was spot on. The plastic oasis' were great, and provided Long and I a bit more abdominal peace. I went through waves of feeling great to feeling like I was going to throw up, I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink, but kept pressing on. You would think I would have learned from my time at Wild Duluth 2016, but this felt different. I felt like I was going to throw up at any given second. I couldn't walk or run in a straight line. I didn't want to say anything still. We gradually went slower, we stopped to pee in the woods, we pressed onwards.
On our way to Hwy 12, I couldn't hold back how I was feeling anymore, nor could I hide the fact that I wasn't doing well, and I'm sure Long knew it too. I told him I wasn't feeling well, and asked how he was doing. He was doing great, despite the fact that, again, he had been running all day and now all night. He decided that we sit down on a nearby bench and just breathe. I remember this part of the journey vividly. Looking up at the cloudy sky with the bright moon. Runners shuffled by, we sat there looking up not saying a word. I knew how much we wanted to qualify, and I couldn't read his thoughts, and we had plenty of time to finish. "Let's call it at the next aid station" he said. I told him that we can't make a decision until we get to the aid station. We shuffled our way into the aid station, seeing our friends look tired and beat up from the weather conditions. Long grabbed food, and I looked around hoping that something would look appetizing, but nothing jumped out. I picked up some medicine seeing that it soothed stomaches, but I also remembered that I shouldn't try anything new. I set it down, and told Long that we should nap. A 30 min nap would help set things straight. I ended up laying on the tarp where drop bags get set to go back to the start/finish, and Long plopped next to me. I remember it was cold, so I tucked into a ball and fell asleep. Between the occasional flashes of lightning and the drizzle, I woke up and felt more awake, but my stomach did not.
At this point, I knew I couldn't go on. I immediately felt sad. I felt sad because I didn't take care of myself, and in doing this I couldn't provide the support Long needed to succeed to finish the race. I told him to go on to the turnaround, and to finish the race. I knew how much WS means to him, and the chance to run it. He didn't even hesitate when he said he was done too. I cried, I knew that this was it. I didn't want him to be done, but he insisted time after time he would rather make sure I was okay then to get into WS. I cried because I was sad, and I also cried because I knew how much he cares. He was happy to be done, and happy with how far he had gone. After spending time hugging (and me crying) we called it. He told a volunteer he was dropping, and asked if there was a way for us to get back to the start/finish. The volunteer said we had to find one, but thankfully, Long spotted someone he knew, and we went back with them. After arriving back, it was time for me to play Ford Explorer Tetris again. I arranged the car for enough room to sleep two very exhausted people, and we fell asleep immediately.
In the morning, I felt like I did back on that tarp earlier that morning- stomach still not cooperating yet well rested. I walked over to the start/finish to find Kari there at the breakfast buffet. I told her what happened, and that I felt terrible. She reassured me that these things happen, and that Long did what anyone else would do. I still felt bad, but I knew what Long did was the very nature of his character. I brought him coffee, and told him that there was food waiting for him at the start/finish. We sat and ate with our friends, finishers and dropouts alike. We waited for runners to cross the finish line. We watched Steve and Julio cross the finish line and celebrate with them. I kept replaying over and over again in my head us crossing the finish line. I knew we could have finished, we could have taken our time. I felt terrible still for letting him down, for not supporting him on the one thing he wanted to do for his birthday in order to qualify for one of his goals. I broke the number one rule of pacing: take care of yourself so you can take care of your runner. We hung out with our friends until it was late afternoon and decided we should start heading back. I drove home, and I could feel my stomach and my head hurt. I still couldn't bring myself to eat or to get out of my sad rut. We talked over and over again about what happened. That what the situation would have been like had we been in each other's shoes.
What I learned was that, in addition to not following our original loose plan (me sleeping during the day/afternoon) I did not eat good, nutritious fuel. I had many things packed to cook, but with my laziness and the weather conditions, none of those things happened. I opted for a burger and fries at the local town, which doesn't really help knowing I needed to pace that night. Additionally, I was not drinking enough. While talking to Long, I realized that he guzzled his tailwind and water between every aid station, filling up his bottles at all the stops. both of my bottles were full during the whole time I paced, except the time we both filled our bottles with the unlabeled jugs at the unmanned aid station- and after we talked about it, we knew that we filled our bottles with heed due to the taste (and heed doesn't settle well palette wise nor with my stomach). This was the part I really didn't start feeling well.
The biggest thing I learned about this race was about our future. How much Long cares for me, that he would set aside his race, goals, and dreams to secure our dream.
There will always be races, tickets to WS, and Leadville- what we have now, our relationship, is worth more than any goal or dream I have. Thank you Long for your display of selflessness and care. I love you.
I would also like to make a point about the Race Director. He is one of he most friendly, helpful, and caring ones I have met. His shirt also made me smile. It had the Wonder Woman sign on it, with the phrase "I am no superhero, I am just a volunteer". To me, the heroes at these events are the volunteers.
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