When You Fall Into A Hole: Hitchcock 100
If you would have asked me two weeks out from Hitchcock if I was nervous, I would have calmly smiled and said that I was excited to take on 100 again. Ask me the same question a week before and I would have told you how nervous, scared, excited and anxious I was! I swear I gave myself two ulcers the week before because of my lack of preparation, organization, and just flat-out stress of work and everything I left last minute (procrastinator!)
Thursday came closer than I thought and I packed what I could, pretty much threw every sock, base layer, and tight I owned in two suitcases. As if all the signs the week before weren't enough to forecast how the weekend would go, Long rolled his ankle two days before leaving after hurting it pretty bad during his summer 50 mile and many times during his fall 100 mile (that poor ankle) and Thursday night presented more red flags, my friend Jessica's car was diagnosed un-drivable and was in need of a hefty repair. We ended up with a new plan and worked out pretty well in the end, but I had to keep telling myself that there are always going to be obstacles in life and during 100 mile races and we can either choose to adapt and keep moving on or we can dwell in the stress. On top of all that I got sick the week before and felt awful.
Friday morning we packed the cars, re-arranged our things in different cars, and our circus train left for Iowa. I drove with my mom and we had fun conversations and good laughs. I can't remember the last time I got to spend a good car ride with my parents. The time flew by, the drive was pretty stress-free and we stopped for lunch in Des Moines at Ritual Cafe (AMAZING vegan choices and delicious ones at that!). Then we all headed to packet pick up at the Hitchcock Nature Center. The timing of it all was perfect and laid back. When we arrived at the nature center, my mom was surprised at how pretty it was. I took in the scene as well, seeing the snow covered trails and thought about how much more pretty it was now that it wasn't brown and dreary like the three weeks prior when I was there doing my last peak training runs. Packet pick up was a breeze and Jess, my mom, Kenai, and myself headed to our AirBnB in Omaha while Long and Bean ran a bit. I started to organize all my gear and Long helped me pack a bag for each loop for quicker changes for less stall time at the start/finish (I tend to linger at Aid Stations). I started to get a little bit more stressed at this point because it seemed I was pulling more warm gear vs. the lighter gear. I was packing more food per loop knowing that I had to have everything I needed for each loop. I had to be careful what I ate because of my food sensitivities, at this point I wish I had packed more savory food options. Between packing we all ate a delicious home made meal provided by my mom (spaghetti and meatballs, a-ma-zing), finished the last of the packing, took a bath, and got some sleep.
3:30 alarm, it's go-time! I read all the messages I received from friends the night before and that morning. I felt ready and confident in my training, strength, and what I was about to do. I had coffee, watched the dogs play (Bean and Kenai were so goofy!) while I ate breakfast, and slowly got ready, I was lingering which made us leave the place a bit later than I had hoped. This is when the nerves started to kick in. On the drive there my legs were shaking with excitement (and they were probably a little cold). We had to park further away due to my lateness and had a nice brisk walk to the start. I caught the tail end of the pre-race briefing and tried to remember what Ron (the RD) had talked about in the facebook live video they broadcasted. I met Stephanie outside and we walked to the start. It was cold and dark, I had to remind myself that I would be running a lot of this race in these conditions. Long helped change my watch settings so the battery would last 50+ hours or so, and in 5-4-3-2-1- we were off! The 100 milers and the half marathoners did the first loop together, so it was a bit packed, and fast! I remember thinking I felt like Miss America because of how the snow glittered and how it seemed like glitter was in the air. I ran behind Stephanie for a bit and chatted before we were separated in the sea of runners. I remember the first downhill was purely skiing. Instinctively my downhill skills kicked in, slightly bent knees, tilted forward, and alternating feet and edges (surprised at how loose I felt and it worked!) My initial reaction to the course was that it was going to be cold and snowy but it never occurred to me how snowy it was. I saw my crew/pacers and pups at one of the climbs... well I should say I heard them but couldn't see them because it was pretty dark and the train of headlamps was bright in the eyes.
I ran to Oasis Aid Station, looking at my watch it was at about 6 miles. I thought there was one 3 miles ago? Anyway I felt good and confident. I grabbed some frozen pickle slices and trotted on, the next aid station only had water and medical staff to check in on us. I started to realize that this course was relentless with ups and downs, exposed bluffs, and a lot of two way traffic.
Before the last stretch to the start and finish, there is one more bluff ridge-line, there was man at the bottom before the first climb directing the traffic and telling us to make sure we take in the sunrise. If there is one thing (or two) that are forever burned into my memory it is the sunrises and sunsets at Hitchcock. The colors are vibrant and beautiful! I was in complete awe of the colors. I can't count how many times I said "wow" out loud.
I climbed into the start/finish with Jess waiting and cheering for me. I had just run my first loop in about 3:11 and was feeling it (both in a good and bad way). I needed a complete change of clothes and I knew that I would need sunglasses or I would burn my eyes out looking down at the snow for all the daylight hours I would spend looking ahead of me. Back out with a change of clothes, socks, and sunglasses. I started to get into a rhythm and felt pretty good. Eating and drinking wasn't a problem.
"I need a pink ribbon! I don't have one! Steph had one! I need a pink ribbon! I'm going to get trampled when the 50 starts!" I thought to myself. Mental check: get pink ribbon after this loop and let Long know to teach Jess how to work waist lamp!
I started to get into a rhythm knowing where the climbs, steep descents and flats were. I found out I passed the first aid station on the first loop because I couldn't see it in the dark! I stopped in for some bacon and ramen. Hot food felt so good I felt rejuvenated from the cold! Oasis flew by and before you know it I was past the last aid station before the finish! I ran with a guy named Jeff who was from Omaha and we got to talking about the race we were running and where we were from. Soon enough we were back at the start/finish. I asked about the pink ribbon and there was none to be found. I grabbed some more food, took out my garbage, and did a minimal change of clothes this time. I told them to find a pink ribbon and let Long know about the waist lamp. I think I grabbed some broth and headed out for loop three.
At one point when I was running with Stephanie, she said "If I can keep my loops under 4 hours I think I'll be okay".
My instant reaction in my head was "shit, I gotta keep these loops consistent or there is no way I'm going to scrape by to finish this thing". As a side note, I am terrible with math, and somehow gets even more distorted and confusing as I run.
My stomach took a turn for the worse. What was going on!? This stomach pain was different than my usual upset stomach during this distance. I remember going through waves of stomach issues during Zumbro last year, but they all were manageable. This one felt different, I assessed my nutrition and my only probable cause would have been the new tailwind flavor offered at the race that I had never had (mango?) and/or accidentally eating dairy from the Campground aid station. I always make sure to ask if the food is dairy free before I take anything if I am unsure. I was offered ramen and that seemed to be fine, until on loop three when I asked if it was they told me they might have put butter in it.
I really started to feel the effects of this race, the nutrition, the climbing, the steep descents, the cold wind, and how wet my feet were. I remember telling myself as I started to feel blister form that this was going to be a wet and soggy race and that I need to accept that fact it won't get any better from this point on (conditions). I remember coming in from loop 3 feeling defeated. I needed a full changed again because at this point it was getting dark, the sun was setting and that meant the temperature was dropping. When I took off my shoes and socks, my toes were white. I knew by the way they looked they weren't good. I left my shoes and socks off for my crew to assess. Long started to dry my feet with the dirty base layer and I instantly started to cry. My feet were so sensitive. I was sobbing eating a banana at the same time. I knew that after this loop I wouldn't have to run alone again at any point in the race, I just had one more loop before I could laugh and run and play with Jess and Long, they would make it better, they always do. Long noticed that I had hardly been eating anything out of my vest, and told him what happened with the dairy and tailwind. He told me I needed to start eating again and so I had some chicken noodle soup my mom brought and made. I decided that this would be a good time to test out how well trekking poles would help me. They changed my socks and put me in a dry pair of shoes. I grabbed the trekking poles and started to walk out of the nature center, still crying and trying to pull myself together for this loop. My mom put vaseline on my face as it was red from the wind. Hopefully that would help take the edge off in the exposed parts. I remember starting the loop feeling okay, running a bit. Then there was the climbs, they started to get to me. The same climbs, the same steep descents and the long-ass section of road that only seems to go uphill (this is where I would usually eat as it was the most mundane part of the course.) I remember walking and slowly jogging to the campground aid station. I told myself to suck up whatever I was going through and that it would get better when I picked up Jess for the night loops.
The cold, dry air started to get to me. I would lean over my trekking poles, coughing and dry heaving and start to cry again. I had to talk myself out of crying for too long because it would make my face more cold. Where things got really bad was during a very exposed open ridge on the way to campground aid station. I would try running and covering my face but the wind was so cold it almost hurt. It hurt to run, walk, breathe, or even keep my eyes open. It was painful and sharp. This is where I fell into the hole. The hole where I realized how cold and alone I was. No runner in front or behind me. I made it slowly to campground and didn't know what to do for nutrition. I think I took two pretzels and asked if they could put boiled potatoes in the broth they had. I had the broth but the potatoes were not agreeing to go down. I think I slowly chewed three as I hiked away. Only three more miles to the Oasis, then from there I would be half way to Jess and the half way point of the race. As if I wasn't on a slippery slope enough, I was getting cold fast and loosing energy. I was shivering and defeated. I can't tell you how many times I leaned over my poles. The time that elapsed between campground and oasis felt like it took forever. I remember looking down at my watch at one point and realized how much I slowed down.
I tried to convince myself to make it to the start finish again as I knew I was approaching Oasis. I knew that I wasn't doing well at this point, and was seriously questioning my health.
I saw the glowing fire of Oasis, thinking that maybe if I stood by it long enough I'd feel okay to keep going. I was slowly making my way when a runner leaving the aid station told me I was doing great, which somehow made me start to cry (again).
I walked right into the aid station tent and made my way to an open area where I told the ground I couldn't warm up. I started to hyperventilate and cry uncontrollably. The volunteers instantly grabbed me and put me in the chair near us. they covered me with blankets and asked me what was going. I told them I was cold and I was having stomach issues when I could catch my breath. They placed a heater near me and let me calm down a bit. A volunteer prayed over me during this time and after she was done, I fell asleep for a bit. They tried offering me food but I was not hungry nor had the energy to eat.
As I was sleeping, there was a voice as clear as day that said "You aren't going on" in my head. After this point I was still in and out of sleep and crying. Volunteers took off my shoes to dry and felt my feet with socks on. They said they were pretty soaked and debated whether or not to take the socks off. They didn't want to expose any frostbite if there was any, and let me dry my socks on my feet near the heater. I fell asleep again and two volunteers came to check on me. They tried putting feet warmer packs in my shoes and they tried stuffing my feet back in the shoes. I really do think they were trying to get me back out there, but at this point my feet were tingly and in pain that I said no. I fell asleep again and remember they asked for my bib number. I let out a small '145' and fell back asleep. I was able to comprehend, before I shut my eyes again, that they were making the call more me that I was done and I felt okay with it. They asked if I had anybody with me at the lodge. I told them that Jess would be there. I then thought about how she came all this way, my whole crew came this way only to have me fail. They took time off of work to help me. I felt pretty disappointed at this point. The volunteers told me a truck would come to get me shortly and that I would be transported to the medical team. I was helped into a truck and they loaded all my belongings as well. I felt bad for the truck driver because I just sat there hunched over not saying a word as I was still trying to stay warm and awake. He made small talk but knew that I wasn't in any shape to have a full conversation.
We arrived at the lodge, and was helped inside by the driver and medical staff. My mom, Long and Jess were all inside waiting. They sat me down in the chair, and started to assess my feet. The guy looking at my feet did simple tests and asked simple questions and at this point my toes were hurting and tingly. I could still feel them and they looked a bit waxy. They said I needed to get to the hospital to have them re-warmed. My toes had to be separated with gauze so they wouldn't risk being froze together, then they wrapped my feet in a way that held the individual wrappings together (I had mummy feet). I was then chair-lifted into the car by two of the medics and Long drove me to the hospital. Long was so sweet and helpful, he went and got a wheelchair, lifted me out of the car into it, and wheeled me in. Unfortunately, he doesn't have that much experience with wheelchairs (I don't either) and underestimated where my feet were in relation to the desk he was wheeling me to. Before I could do anything about it, I was crashed feet first into the desk. I put my hand out and head down in pain and ready to start crying again. The guy behind the desk was asking me 20 questions and had to gather myself again before answering any more questions. We didn't have to wait long before We were back in one of the rooms being assessed by the doctor. I had to have blood drawn since I hand't eaten in a while, I had to have a tetanus shot since people exposed to frostbite can get it (who knew!) and then my feet could finally be rewarmed. The doctor took a look at my feet and said that they were doing pretty well but still needed to be warmed. He said it could take a couple of months for them to feel normal again but there was no nerve damage (thank goodness!). My mom and Long were with me during this 3+ hour stay. It was nice to have them with me. I was so exhausted at this point I just wanted to sleep despite my cold feet and throbbing head and body. My legs were in so much pain from being tense trying to stay warm.
It was past 11:00 p.m. when I was finally released to go back to the AirBnB. I was so sleepy and exhausted and relieved. We got back and we all ate a little (at this point it must have been 12:00 a.m.) and we went to bed.
My mom had to leave the next day as she had to work that Monday. Long, Jess and I decided to stay the extra day, because I would most likely be doing the same things as I would at home (washing my dirty race gear and resting). I had a hard time resting because I would keep checking the time knowing that I could have been out on the race course still. I got a trickling of texts and facebook messages with mixed questions. Some asking how I was doing knowing I had to go to the hospital, and those who didn't know giving me encouragement and asking me how I was doing.
Having some time to give this race some headspace, am happy that this race wasn't me first DNF. I would have taken it a lot harder if it was. DNFs suck, they hurt. You train for months on end. It's a second job, I love running and I can look back on my training and be very thankful for the progress I have made in full confidence in my coach and the training. I can look back at how Long and friends have made my training fun and memorable. The sting of a DNF is still there, I see it as unfinished business. There are a lot of things that went wrong and a lot of things that went well. I have definitely learned from this experience and appreciate the time, care, and thoughtfulness that my crew, the volunteers and the RD put into this experience. I know that no race is ever a guarantee, that anything can happen at any given point, and with that in mind I have learned a lot and am willing and ready to take on whatever comes next.
Going into 2019 I know what I have to fix, what I have to be mindful of, and what I need to prioritize. I am happy to say one year later that I can run pain and injury free, and that someday in the future I will return to that relentless looping course. The Hitchcock Experience is an amazing race put on by an amazing group of caring, dedicated volunteers. I am continuously blessed by amazing, supportive family and friends who will be by my side no matter if I finish a race or not.
Thursday came closer than I thought and I packed what I could, pretty much threw every sock, base layer, and tight I owned in two suitcases. As if all the signs the week before weren't enough to forecast how the weekend would go, Long rolled his ankle two days before leaving after hurting it pretty bad during his summer 50 mile and many times during his fall 100 mile (that poor ankle) and Thursday night presented more red flags, my friend Jessica's car was diagnosed un-drivable and was in need of a hefty repair. We ended up with a new plan and worked out pretty well in the end, but I had to keep telling myself that there are always going to be obstacles in life and during 100 mile races and we can either choose to adapt and keep moving on or we can dwell in the stress. On top of all that I got sick the week before and felt awful.
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| Last peak back-to-back training runs at Hitchcock in November (p/c Long Nguyen) |
Friday morning we packed the cars, re-arranged our things in different cars, and our circus train left for Iowa. I drove with my mom and we had fun conversations and good laughs. I can't remember the last time I got to spend a good car ride with my parents. The time flew by, the drive was pretty stress-free and we stopped for lunch in Des Moines at Ritual Cafe (AMAZING vegan choices and delicious ones at that!). Then we all headed to packet pick up at the Hitchcock Nature Center. The timing of it all was perfect and laid back. When we arrived at the nature center, my mom was surprised at how pretty it was. I took in the scene as well, seeing the snow covered trails and thought about how much more pretty it was now that it wasn't brown and dreary like the three weeks prior when I was there doing my last peak training runs. Packet pick up was a breeze and Jess, my mom, Kenai, and myself headed to our AirBnB in Omaha while Long and Bean ran a bit. I started to organize all my gear and Long helped me pack a bag for each loop for quicker changes for less stall time at the start/finish (I tend to linger at Aid Stations). I started to get a little bit more stressed at this point because it seemed I was pulling more warm gear vs. the lighter gear. I was packing more food per loop knowing that I had to have everything I needed for each loop. I had to be careful what I ate because of my food sensitivities, at this point I wish I had packed more savory food options. Between packing we all ate a delicious home made meal provided by my mom (spaghetti and meatballs, a-ma-zing), finished the last of the packing, took a bath, and got some sleep.
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| Another shot of Hitchcock from back-to-back long training run weekend (p/c Long Nguyen) |
3:30 alarm, it's go-time! I read all the messages I received from friends the night before and that morning. I felt ready and confident in my training, strength, and what I was about to do. I had coffee, watched the dogs play (Bean and Kenai were so goofy!) while I ate breakfast, and slowly got ready, I was lingering which made us leave the place a bit later than I had hoped. This is when the nerves started to kick in. On the drive there my legs were shaking with excitement (and they were probably a little cold). We had to park further away due to my lateness and had a nice brisk walk to the start. I caught the tail end of the pre-race briefing and tried to remember what Ron (the RD) had talked about in the facebook live video they broadcasted. I met Stephanie outside and we walked to the start. It was cold and dark, I had to remind myself that I would be running a lot of this race in these conditions. Long helped change my watch settings so the battery would last 50+ hours or so, and in 5-4-3-2-1- we were off! The 100 milers and the half marathoners did the first loop together, so it was a bit packed, and fast! I remember thinking I felt like Miss America because of how the snow glittered and how it seemed like glitter was in the air. I ran behind Stephanie for a bit and chatted before we were separated in the sea of runners. I remember the first downhill was purely skiing. Instinctively my downhill skills kicked in, slightly bent knees, tilted forward, and alternating feet and edges (surprised at how loose I felt and it worked!) My initial reaction to the course was that it was going to be cold and snowy but it never occurred to me how snowy it was. I saw my crew/pacers and pups at one of the climbs... well I should say I heard them but couldn't see them because it was pretty dark and the train of headlamps was bright in the eyes.
I ran to Oasis Aid Station, looking at my watch it was at about 6 miles. I thought there was one 3 miles ago? Anyway I felt good and confident. I grabbed some frozen pickle slices and trotted on, the next aid station only had water and medical staff to check in on us. I started to realize that this course was relentless with ups and downs, exposed bluffs, and a lot of two way traffic.
Before the last stretch to the start and finish, there is one more bluff ridge-line, there was man at the bottom before the first climb directing the traffic and telling us to make sure we take in the sunrise. If there is one thing (or two) that are forever burned into my memory it is the sunrises and sunsets at Hitchcock. The colors are vibrant and beautiful! I was in complete awe of the colors. I can't count how many times I said "wow" out loud.
"I need a pink ribbon! I don't have one! Steph had one! I need a pink ribbon! I'm going to get trampled when the 50 starts!" I thought to myself. Mental check: get pink ribbon after this loop and let Long know to teach Jess how to work waist lamp!
I started to get into a rhythm knowing where the climbs, steep descents and flats were. I found out I passed the first aid station on the first loop because I couldn't see it in the dark! I stopped in for some bacon and ramen. Hot food felt so good I felt rejuvenated from the cold! Oasis flew by and before you know it I was past the last aid station before the finish! I ran with a guy named Jeff who was from Omaha and we got to talking about the race we were running and where we were from. Soon enough we were back at the start/finish. I asked about the pink ribbon and there was none to be found. I grabbed some more food, took out my garbage, and did a minimal change of clothes this time. I told them to find a pink ribbon and let Long know about the waist lamp. I think I grabbed some broth and headed out for loop three.
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| Marching up one of the climbs (p/c Long Nguyen) |
At one point when I was running with Stephanie, she said "If I can keep my loops under 4 hours I think I'll be okay".
My instant reaction in my head was "shit, I gotta keep these loops consistent or there is no way I'm going to scrape by to finish this thing". As a side note, I am terrible with math, and somehow gets even more distorted and confusing as I run.
My stomach took a turn for the worse. What was going on!? This stomach pain was different than my usual upset stomach during this distance. I remember going through waves of stomach issues during Zumbro last year, but they all were manageable. This one felt different, I assessed my nutrition and my only probable cause would have been the new tailwind flavor offered at the race that I had never had (mango?) and/or accidentally eating dairy from the Campground aid station. I always make sure to ask if the food is dairy free before I take anything if I am unsure. I was offered ramen and that seemed to be fine, until on loop three when I asked if it was they told me they might have put butter in it.
I really started to feel the effects of this race, the nutrition, the climbing, the steep descents, the cold wind, and how wet my feet were. I remember telling myself as I started to feel blister form that this was going to be a wet and soggy race and that I need to accept that fact it won't get any better from this point on (conditions). I remember coming in from loop 3 feeling defeated. I needed a full changed again because at this point it was getting dark, the sun was setting and that meant the temperature was dropping. When I took off my shoes and socks, my toes were white. I knew by the way they looked they weren't good. I left my shoes and socks off for my crew to assess. Long started to dry my feet with the dirty base layer and I instantly started to cry. My feet were so sensitive. I was sobbing eating a banana at the same time. I knew that after this loop I wouldn't have to run alone again at any point in the race, I just had one more loop before I could laugh and run and play with Jess and Long, they would make it better, they always do. Long noticed that I had hardly been eating anything out of my vest, and told him what happened with the dairy and tailwind. He told me I needed to start eating again and so I had some chicken noodle soup my mom brought and made. I decided that this would be a good time to test out how well trekking poles would help me. They changed my socks and put me in a dry pair of shoes. I grabbed the trekking poles and started to walk out of the nature center, still crying and trying to pull myself together for this loop. My mom put vaseline on my face as it was red from the wind. Hopefully that would help take the edge off in the exposed parts. I remember starting the loop feeling okay, running a bit. Then there was the climbs, they started to get to me. The same climbs, the same steep descents and the long-ass section of road that only seems to go uphill (this is where I would usually eat as it was the most mundane part of the course.) I remember walking and slowly jogging to the campground aid station. I told myself to suck up whatever I was going through and that it would get better when I picked up Jess for the night loops.
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| This picture sums up the entirety of how Hitchcock felt (p/c Long Nguyen) |
The cold, dry air started to get to me. I would lean over my trekking poles, coughing and dry heaving and start to cry again. I had to talk myself out of crying for too long because it would make my face more cold. Where things got really bad was during a very exposed open ridge on the way to campground aid station. I would try running and covering my face but the wind was so cold it almost hurt. It hurt to run, walk, breathe, or even keep my eyes open. It was painful and sharp. This is where I fell into the hole. The hole where I realized how cold and alone I was. No runner in front or behind me. I made it slowly to campground and didn't know what to do for nutrition. I think I took two pretzels and asked if they could put boiled potatoes in the broth they had. I had the broth but the potatoes were not agreeing to go down. I think I slowly chewed three as I hiked away. Only three more miles to the Oasis, then from there I would be half way to Jess and the half way point of the race. As if I wasn't on a slippery slope enough, I was getting cold fast and loosing energy. I was shivering and defeated. I can't tell you how many times I leaned over my poles. The time that elapsed between campground and oasis felt like it took forever. I remember looking down at my watch at one point and realized how much I slowed down.
I tried to convince myself to make it to the start finish again as I knew I was approaching Oasis. I knew that I wasn't doing well at this point, and was seriously questioning my health.
I saw the glowing fire of Oasis, thinking that maybe if I stood by it long enough I'd feel okay to keep going. I was slowly making my way when a runner leaving the aid station told me I was doing great, which somehow made me start to cry (again).
I walked right into the aid station tent and made my way to an open area where I told the ground I couldn't warm up. I started to hyperventilate and cry uncontrollably. The volunteers instantly grabbed me and put me in the chair near us. they covered me with blankets and asked me what was going. I told them I was cold and I was having stomach issues when I could catch my breath. They placed a heater near me and let me calm down a bit. A volunteer prayed over me during this time and after she was done, I fell asleep for a bit. They tried offering me food but I was not hungry nor had the energy to eat.
As I was sleeping, there was a voice as clear as day that said "You aren't going on" in my head. After this point I was still in and out of sleep and crying. Volunteers took off my shoes to dry and felt my feet with socks on. They said they were pretty soaked and debated whether or not to take the socks off. They didn't want to expose any frostbite if there was any, and let me dry my socks on my feet near the heater. I fell asleep again and two volunteers came to check on me. They tried putting feet warmer packs in my shoes and they tried stuffing my feet back in the shoes. I really do think they were trying to get me back out there, but at this point my feet were tingly and in pain that I said no. I fell asleep again and remember they asked for my bib number. I let out a small '145' and fell back asleep. I was able to comprehend, before I shut my eyes again, that they were making the call more me that I was done and I felt okay with it. They asked if I had anybody with me at the lodge. I told them that Jess would be there. I then thought about how she came all this way, my whole crew came this way only to have me fail. They took time off of work to help me. I felt pretty disappointed at this point. The volunteers told me a truck would come to get me shortly and that I would be transported to the medical team. I was helped into a truck and they loaded all my belongings as well. I felt bad for the truck driver because I just sat there hunched over not saying a word as I was still trying to stay warm and awake. He made small talk but knew that I wasn't in any shape to have a full conversation.
We arrived at the lodge, and was helped inside by the driver and medical staff. My mom, Long and Jess were all inside waiting. They sat me down in the chair, and started to assess my feet. The guy looking at my feet did simple tests and asked simple questions and at this point my toes were hurting and tingly. I could still feel them and they looked a bit waxy. They said I needed to get to the hospital to have them re-warmed. My toes had to be separated with gauze so they wouldn't risk being froze together, then they wrapped my feet in a way that held the individual wrappings together (I had mummy feet). I was then chair-lifted into the car by two of the medics and Long drove me to the hospital. Long was so sweet and helpful, he went and got a wheelchair, lifted me out of the car into it, and wheeled me in. Unfortunately, he doesn't have that much experience with wheelchairs (I don't either) and underestimated where my feet were in relation to the desk he was wheeling me to. Before I could do anything about it, I was crashed feet first into the desk. I put my hand out and head down in pain and ready to start crying again. The guy behind the desk was asking me 20 questions and had to gather myself again before answering any more questions. We didn't have to wait long before We were back in one of the rooms being assessed by the doctor. I had to have blood drawn since I hand't eaten in a while, I had to have a tetanus shot since people exposed to frostbite can get it (who knew!) and then my feet could finally be rewarmed. The doctor took a look at my feet and said that they were doing pretty well but still needed to be warmed. He said it could take a couple of months for them to feel normal again but there was no nerve damage (thank goodness!). My mom and Long were with me during this 3+ hour stay. It was nice to have them with me. I was so exhausted at this point I just wanted to sleep despite my cold feet and throbbing head and body. My legs were in so much pain from being tense trying to stay warm.
It was past 11:00 p.m. when I was finally released to go back to the AirBnB. I was so sleepy and exhausted and relieved. We got back and we all ate a little (at this point it must have been 12:00 a.m.) and we went to bed.
My mom had to leave the next day as she had to work that Monday. Long, Jess and I decided to stay the extra day, because I would most likely be doing the same things as I would at home (washing my dirty race gear and resting). I had a hard time resting because I would keep checking the time knowing that I could have been out on the race course still. I got a trickling of texts and facebook messages with mixed questions. Some asking how I was doing knowing I had to go to the hospital, and those who didn't know giving me encouragement and asking me how I was doing.
Having some time to give this race some headspace, am happy that this race wasn't me first DNF. I would have taken it a lot harder if it was. DNFs suck, they hurt. You train for months on end. It's a second job, I love running and I can look back on my training and be very thankful for the progress I have made in full confidence in my coach and the training. I can look back at how Long and friends have made my training fun and memorable. The sting of a DNF is still there, I see it as unfinished business. There are a lot of things that went wrong and a lot of things that went well. I have definitely learned from this experience and appreciate the time, care, and thoughtfulness that my crew, the volunteers and the RD put into this experience. I know that no race is ever a guarantee, that anything can happen at any given point, and with that in mind I have learned a lot and am willing and ready to take on whatever comes next.
Going into 2019 I know what I have to fix, what I have to be mindful of, and what I need to prioritize. I am happy to say one year later that I can run pain and injury free, and that someday in the future I will return to that relentless looping course. The Hitchcock Experience is an amazing race put on by an amazing group of caring, dedicated volunteers. I am continuously blessed by amazing, supportive family and friends who will be by my side no matter if I finish a race or not.
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